Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Yet another tryst with destiny !!


It's official! Donald Trump will be the 45th President of the United States of America. After a heated campaign witness to a lot of acrimony, comparable to the Indian assembly polls of 2014, America has finally chosen.

Now this again is history in the making. America, for better or for worse has chosen to alter her destiny. America has chosen a rank outsider to lead her for the next four years.

Trump’s victory is in many ways similar to Modi’s emphatic election win in 2014. Though they both come from different backgrounds (Modi was a tea-seller and has risen from a humble background to hold India’s highest office; Trump is the son of a New York real estate dealer and is a self-made billionaire), both took on an established political hierarchy and triumphed in the end, causing major upsets. While Modi is a seasoned politician having been the Chief Minister of the State of Gujarat for more than a decade, Trump is more of a businessman with little political experience.

At close of polls on November 8th, Hillary Clinton was forecast as the clear winner. But the results next day told a totally different story. A rank outsider took on a powerful political establishment, and won! Many in America are still shaking their head in disbelief. How could this have happened? How did an outsider, with little experience in Politics take on an established and well-oiled political machinery and bring it down to it’s knees? The answer would lie in Trump’s shrewd business acumen. A seasoned politician he may be not, but he and his entourage were shrewd enough to sense the discontentment of the American masses against the current political and economic setup, similar to the manner in which Modi took on the established Congress party. Call it the ‘Business of Politics’ or the ‘Politics of Business’: both Modi and Trump have been canny enough to tap into the discontentment among the masses caused by the ruling elite and convert them to votes in their favour.
Both men took on the ruling political establishment head on and have come up winners (or should I say ‘come up trumps’ J ). Both men knew that their respective countrymen were sick at the slow progress made over the years, at false promises of development, of corruption and nepotism and mainly about economy and employment. Both men promised the one thing which previous Governments’ committed to but could not deliver effectively: Action! And that’s why are where they are now.

To be fair to Hillary Clinton and the Democrats, they planned, organized and executed well. And for a while, it did look like Hillary Clinton was on the road to become the first ever lady president of the United States. Indeed, not many people gave Trump a whisker of a chance. While Clinton was all about ruthless organization and planning, Trump was all about emotion; empathizing the pain points that the average American felt deeply about: namely corruption, job cuts and out-sourcing to name a few. Clinton made fine speeches and ran a perfectly organized and well-oiled political machinery. Trump, on his part mostly came to meetings unprepared, relying on his wit and huge business experience to tackle tough questions. It seemed a risky move but it paid off in the end, as many Americans preferred Trump’s frank and unprepared impromptu honest logic over Clinton’s organized rhetoric.

Trumps’ victory in 2016 and Modi’s win in 2014 show us one thing. People want change and action more than anything else. People are sick of empty words, false promises and the meaningless drivel which seasoned politicians make. People won’t care about your economic or ethnic background, your social status etc. as long as you can deliver the goods.

Modi’s government has already delivered above people’s expectations. The latest masterstroke in his push to make India a global economic powerhouse is the bold demonetization move, scrapping the Five Hundred and Thousand Rupee notes to eliminate black money. And if Modi is to be believed, more is still to come.

The spotlight is in trump now to deliver. One things for sure. If he (Trump) manages to deliver even half of what he promised during his campaign, then no-one will give a shit even about his views on women and other matters. As I said earlier, people want action, and more importantly people want results. Only time will tell whether America’s choice was correct or wrong.

Cheers to Life, Cheers to Democracy and above all, cheers to change!!


Thursday, October 20, 2016

The Cost of war ....



Recent events have once again brought the tumultuous Indo-Pak relationship in the forefront of the World media. On the 18th of September 2016, four heavily armed militants launched a surprise and unprovoked attack on an Indian military camp in Uri, Kashmir. In the ensuing carnage, they were gunned down but not before killing eighteen of India’s brave souls (one more was to succumb to injuries later). After the incident, the usual blame game started. India was quick to gather evidence from the slain terrorists. All the evidence indicated that the attackers were Pakistani sponsored operators. Pakistan on the other hand calmly brushed off all allegations against it as always and claimed that all the so-called evidence has been ‘planted’ by India to falsely implicate it and tarnish its’ reputation in the eyes of the world. It termed India’s accusations as ‘baseless’. Some sections of the Pakistani news media have even brazenly stated that the terrorists were actually of Indian origin and their action was the direct consequence of the dissatisfaction of the local Kashmiri people against the Indian Administration in Indian Administered Kashmir (also known as Indian Held Kashmir – IHK in Pakistan).

But for India, the tolerance threshold had been crossed. Public Anger which had manifested itself on the streets and social media after the attacks of 26/11 and more recently the Pathankot attacks now rose once again. People had for long been clamoring for action against state sponsored terrorists on the other side of the border. And this unprovoked attack on Uri was the tipping point. Under pressure from the people who demanded immediate retribution, and also because he had promised ‘strong’ action to terrorists after he was elected, the Indian Prime Minister Mr. Narendra Modi clandestinely met the Defence Minister, the NSA advisor Mr. Ajit Doval and the Indian army chief to chalk out a plan of action. That plan manifested itself in the wee hours of the 29th of September 2016 as Indian Army Commandos secretly crossed the LOC into Pakistan Occupied Kashmir (POK) and launched a surprise attack on several terrorist camps or ‘terror launch pads’. These attacks, termed as ‘Surgical Strikes’ by the Indian Army were brutal and swift and gave no chance for the enemy to recover and mount a counter offensive. As abruptly as they began, the attacks ended early morning and the Indian Para commandoes who executed the strikes got back to the Indian side of the LOC. Later in the day, the Indian DGMO made a statement revealing the Surgical Strikes to an anxious media. The DGMO claimed that the Indian army inflicted serious and significant casualties on the terrorists and destroyed several terror ‘launch pads’. Furthermore, the DGMO also claimed that there wasn’t a single Indian casualty.

Now this was a completely different turn of events. Far from the usual blame game, here we had a different turns of events. It was India who claimed to be the aggressor (acting in defence of course). India claimed to have crossed the LOC for the first time since 1971. And this was an infinitely better response to the usual “No Cricket” diplomacy followed by the previous government. What would be Pakistan’s logical reply in this case? Given Pakistan’s position they definitely would have denied it and that’s exactly what they did. They denied that any kind of strikes happened and called the whole thing a propaganda stunt by the Modi government, done with the sole intention of whipping up public fervour and to reduce the immense pressure the ruling government faced after the Uri terror attacks. For Pakistan, to accept that the strikes happened would inadvertently mean accepting that the terror launch pads existed in POK in the first place. It would also mean embarrassment for the Pakistan Military which would have to admit that the Indian army sneaked right under their noses and caused the carnage. Accepting the fact would have also drawn the ire of the Pakistani media and the general public. And this is the last thing which the Pakistani PM, Nawaz Sharif needs at the moment when he is already facing allegations of corruption and illegal assets brought forward by Panama gate. So as expected, they (The Pakistanis) denied it.

But notice a very strange thing about their denial. A few days after the Strikes, the Pakistani army hosted a delegation of foreign media personnel and escorted them to the LOC in POK, to prove that the strikes never happened. Now why would they do that if there was nothing to show? Why bring the world’s attention to an event which they claimed to have never happened? And why was no Indian media personnel invited as part of the delegation? And the tour itself was riddled with inaccuracies leaving behind more questions rather than answers. As one foreign correspondent belonging to a prestigious global news channel aptly put it, “We were shown what we were supposed to see and nothing else”. In other words, the Pakistani army offered no conclusive proof of the strikes not happening. What proof was the Pakistani army intending to show the media? They showed clean villages and no terror camps. But of course they would show that! Which army would show the media that “there used to lie terror camps here but after the surgical strike, they don’t exist anymore hence there were no surgical strikes.” Another point to note is the fact that the Indian DGMO mentioned that there were no causalities on their side. The Pakistani army first categorically denied these strikes and then later said that the Indian side had taken casualties. They also claimed that the Indian soldiers’ bodies were still lying on their side of the LOC and no one from India had come to collect them. Now if the strikes never happened, then where did those bodies come from?

Speaking of hosting international media delegations, I reiterate my earlier point. Why was Pakistan so eager to show the world that the strikes never happened? They could have just laid low, denied it as they do always and let the matter die a natural death (except that India wouldn’t let it be so). I don’t know whether they invited the media delegation of their own accord or were they forced to accommodate them. If the reason is the former, then maybe Pakistan was too eager to show the world that nothing happened. And if the reason is the latter, it shows that Pakistan is under serious pressure. Pressure to bolster it’s tarnished image in the eyes of the world. Recent events have brought some unwanted focus on Pakistan and slowly and steadily the world is losing it’s patience with the 69 year old Islamic Democracy. A senator in the US forwarded a bill to declare Pakistan as a terrorist state, something which India has long been asking for. Another petition to the same effect was raised in UK. At long last the world is listening with new found respect to India. Come to think of it, why didn’t the media visit India to verify Indian claims? Why did they not question India about the authenticity of the strikes? The US, EU and Russia have openly backed India’s actions saying that India has every right to defend itself against terror. Aren’t all these facts sending you a very loud message, Pakistan?

And yet all that Pakistan can do it sit in it’s own isolated world and make pompous denial statements. Statements like these make me question the Pakistani government’s transparency and integrity and do not help it’s fading reputation in any way. Reputation?? What reputation? The day Osama Bin Laden, the global terror mastermind responsible for 9/11 was discovered in hiding in Abbottabad, in Pakistan’s very own backyard was the day the last remnant of the so-called reputation of Pakistan was torn to shreds. India has for long been shouting itself hoarse that Pakistan has become a breeding ground for all types of terrorist groups and extremist activity, but no one paid any heed: until now. The recent attacks on Paris and other cities such as Dhaka seemed to have rudely jolted the Western Superpowers from their slumber. The Paris and Dhaka attacks were modelled similar to the 26/11 attacks in Mumbai. The 1999 Indian Airlines Kandahar Hijacking incident was the blue print for the 9/11 plane hijackings. At least now, the world will sit up and take notice about how bad the situation is deteriorating in Pakistan. As the Indian envoy at UNGA rightly put it, the land of Taxila and Indus valley civilization is now the ‘Ivy League of Terrorism’.

As one thing escalates into another, the tension between both countries is piling up. The strikes have been followed by militant attacks on Indian Army bases in sensitive areas near the LOC, but these have been dented by our soldiers. Armed forces of both countries have been put on high alert. Leaves of soldiers have been cancelled and a huge number of troops have been deployed along the border. If that was not enough, civilians living close to the border areas have been evacuated to safer ground. Both sides are watching each other with eagle eyes, weapons drawn, loaded and ready: waiting for the first stone to be cast. The situation is grim. This is not like the usual cross border firing and infiltration which happens on a regular basis along the LOC. This is totally different. A slightest provocation might lead to a full blown arms conflict directly involving the armed forces of both nations. In other words: WAR! The last ‘official’ war fought between both nations was in 1971 which ended up in the creation of ‘Bangladesh’. But neither India nor Pakistan are the same nations they were back then. They are both nuclear powers for one thing. Both nations have also spent significant amount of money to bolster their armed forces with the latest sophisticated weaponry.
But both nations also know that they want to avoid a war at all costs. War will come at its’ own price for which both nations will have to pay heavily.

War is not a piece of cake. It’s very easy for us (especially those not in the armed forces) to sit in the comfort of our air conditioned offices and vehicles and clamour for war. But how many of us will actually fight it out on the fronts? Our soldiers and officers will be the ones battling it out there, facing hell just for keeping us safe. When our soldiers bleed, we bleed too. Notwithstanding the loss of life and property, war will also set us back economically as well. The cost of sustaining this war will be a huge drain on our wealth reserves. An article in a popular Indian magazine stated that a direct war could cost as much as a staggering five thousand crore rupees per day! India is an emerging Global economic power while the new found democracy in Pakistan and the encouraging stance of the political leadership have brought in a ray of hope for the enlightened masses in the Islamic Democracy. But war will negate all the good work done by our predecessors in strengthening the economy and set us back by a decade or so, if not more. When the surgical strikes were announced, the stock markets in Karachi and Mumbai fell significantly, sending panic waves across all investors in both countries. War will scare off investors who will be hesitant to invest in a nation engaged in armed conflict. And lets’ not forget that both nations are now nuclear powers. Given the numerical and technological strength of the Indian army, the Pakistanis might decide to use the nuclear option (God forbid!) in order to tilt the balance of the conflict. If that happens, India will have to respond tit for tat. And after that, God help the Indian sub-continent! A nuclear war between both nations will not result in victors but in survivors.

So it’ quite obvious that war has to be the very last option left for us to follow. But at the same time, let our enemy not confuse our restraint for cowardice. We simply cannot sit and watch as terrorists cross the LOC with impunity and take pot shots at our forces and attack innocent civilians. It’s pretty obvious to the whole world where these terrorists come from, where they are trained and who supplies them arms and ammunition for carrying out these attacks. And India has given enough warnings to Pakistan. The ball is now in Pakistan’s court. It has to take a tough stand against terror and destroy all prevailing terror mechanisms present and operating on its’ territory. Otherwise, India will have to carry out more attacks similar to the surgical strikes carried out on September 29th. And if Pakistan views these as an act of war, then so be it. No cost is too high to ensure the safety of our people. From India’s point of view, if war does happen then it has to be a war that ends all future wars, proxy or full blown. The Indian response should be swift, brutal and effective: rendering the enemy incapable of launching further significant attacks in the future. Otherwise, there is nothing to be gained.

But let’s not get emotional and get carried away in the heat of the moment. War, as I mentioned earlier is the option which both nations want to and have to avoid. A war would be exactly what the terror mongers in Pakistan want. They know that a full blown war will weaken the armed forces considerably and they will then be able wrest control of the country. A war will also suit the interests of Western Superpowers and China who are only too eager to sell their wares to both nations. This in turn, will only lead to an arms race in the sub-continent. Funds which would have otherwise been used for development purposes will be used for purchasing costly weapons and ammo which can only cause death and destruction. Important projects will be put on hold and economic development in both nations will come to a grinding halt.

Pakistanis should realize that we both are fighting a common enemy. ‘Terrorism’ like love knows no borders and does not discriminate between guilty and innocent, young and old. Both sides have been witness to horrendous terrorist attacks which have claimed many an innocent life. And the writing is clearly written on the wall: If Pakistan does not do it’s bit to uproot the terror mechanisms operating on its’ soil, then attacks similar to Uri, Mumbai, Dhaka and Peshawar will continue to happen. Now is the time for Pakistan to throw away all hatred, a vicious and blinding hatred which has dominated their psyche since independence. Pakistanis should know that this hatred will get them nowhere. In the nineteen thirties, many Germans, though not openly supportive of Hitler’s anti-Semitic and fascist mind-set allowed themselves to get emotionally swayed by his speeches, a fact which took them to their destruction after the Second World War. Pakistani people should avoid the same mistake. They have to stand up and assert themselves instead of being carried away by jingoistic political propaganda. Else they, and they alone will be responsible for their nations’ fate. It’s true that we separated 69 years ago amidst a lot of bloodshed and violence. Partition saw its’ fair share of strife and sorrow on both sides. That enough should have been a lesson. But even today, the hatred continues unabated. Bigots and war mongers continue to fuel this hatred and exploit it for their own narrow minded games. And this hatred will continue from generation to generation until and unless someone puts a stop to this NOW! Your next generation of children have not been exposed to the bitterness of the past. Don’t poison their minds and teach them hatred. Teach them the way of love and progress.

The entire history of Indo-Pak conflicts and disputes have been dominated by only one topic: Kashmir (barring the 1971 war). It’s ironic that a small piece of land has acted as a major barrier for solid relationships between both nations. There are so many other issues which we should be focusing upon. Why should we only clamour over Kashmir? The only worthwhile solution I see for the Kashmir conflict is leave things as they are. Let each side maintain their territory and concentrate on developing it instead of wasting precious resources trying to conquer it. Like Narendra Modi stated, let us jointly declare war on internal enemies like poverty, unemployment, illiteracy, terrorism and other bottlenecks. Let us compete with each other instead of going for each- others’ throats. Let our rivalry by healthy and constructive, rather than bitter and destructive. Let our rivalry be like Singapore-Malaysia, US-Canada, England-France (bitter rivals in sport but co-operative in all other fields). If one nation builds a big tower, let the other build a bigger tower. If one nation builds a big airport let the other nation build a bigger airport. And so on and so forth. That alone is the only way to prosperity and progress. Many nations who have gained independence much later than us have left their issues far behind and are progressing solidly on the path to progress. Why should we be any different?

But all this can only be achieved when Pakistan takes the first step and weeds out terrorist organizations on it’s soil. It takes two hands to clap resoundingly. Until and unless that happens, peace between both nations will remain a dream at best. Attacks will continue on both sides and soldiers and innocent civilians will have to pay the price.  

Let us cast out the weeds of terrorism and hatred. Let us focus on building peace and prosperity instead. There is nothing to be gained by violence.

To end this article, I would like to quote the song “Mere Dushman Mere Bhai!” (My enemy my brother) from the iconic war film ‘Border’.

जंग तो चंद रोज होती है , जिन्दगी बरसों तलक रोती है

बारूद से बोझल सारी फिज़ा, है मोत की बू फैलाती हवा
जख्मों पे है छाई लाचारी, गलियों में है फिरती बीमारी
ये मरते बच्चे हाथों में, ये माओं का रोना रातों में
मुर्दा बस्ती मुर्दा है नगर, चेहरे पत्थर हैं दिल पत्थर
मेरे दुश्मन, मेरे भाई, मेरे हमसाये
मुझे से तुझ से, हम दोनों से, सुन ये पत्थर कुछ कहते हैं
बर्बादी के सारे मंजर कुछ कहते हैं
मेरे दुश्मन, मेरे भाई, मेरे हमसाये

सन्नाटे की गहरी छाँव, ख़ामोशी से जलते गाँव
ये नदियों पर टूटे हुए पुल, धरती घायल और व्याकुल
ये खेत ग़मों से झुलसे हुए, ये खाली रस्ते सहमे हुए
ये मातम करता सारा समां, ये जलते घर ये काला धुआं
मेरे दुश्मन, मेरे भाई, मेरे हमसाये
मुझे से तुझ से, हम दोनों से ये जलते घर कुछ कहते हैं
बर्बादी के सारे मंजर कुछ कहते हैं
मेरे दुश्मन, मेरे भाई, मेरे हमसाए

मेरे दुश्मन, मेरे भाई, मेरे हमसाये
चेहरों के, दिलों के ये पत्थर, ये जलते घर
बर्बादी के सारे मंजर, सब तेरे नगर सब मेरे नगर, ये कहते हैं
इस सरहद पर फुन्कारेगा कब तक नफरत का ये अजगर
हम अपने अपने खेतो में, गेहूँ की जगह चावल की जगह
ये बन्दूके क्यों बोते हैं
जब दोनों ही की गलियों में, कुछ भूखे बच्चे रोते हैं
आ खाएं कसम अब जंग नहीं होने पाए
ओर उस दिन का रस्ता देंखें,
जब खिल उठे तेरा भी चमन, जब खिल उठे मेरा भी चमन
तेरा भी वतन मेरा भी वतन, मेरा भी वतन तेरा भी वतन
मेरे दोस्त, मेरे भाई, मेरे हमसाये


References:

Edit: I heard the shocking news that terrorists have attacked a police camp in Quetta, Pakistan on Monday night. RIP, those who have perished in the attack. The Pakistani establishment should now realize that the very snake they have nurtured against India is biting them as well. As I stated earlier, terrorism knows no boundaries. Pakistan, stop this madness and hatred before it consumes your nation totally.     
 

Monday, October 10, 2016

Operation Denial !!



Taken from my other blog: https://asprao78.wordpress.com/2016/10/02/have-some-green-tea/

Last week, one fine morning in Islamabad:

(It’s just another working day as usual in the Pakistani capital. PM Nawaz Sharif is sitting in his office sipping green tea and nursing his forehead. His eyes look red and dark circles surround his face and he is in a zombie like state. All of a sudden, the intercom on his desk buzzes, startling him and making him spill the hot green tea on his lap)

Nawaz: Ahyiiii ….. damn!! I must remember to reduce the bloody volume.

(Reaches for the intercom and turns it on)

Nawaz: What is it? I told you not to disturb me so early in the morning!!

(Glances at the clock. Time shows 10:30 AM PST).

Secretary: Sorry Sir. But it’s the Army Chief. He wants to speak to you urgently.

Nawaz: (Thinks: Oh no! Not that guy again. He’s just the one person I don’t want to meet first thing in the morning.)

(Speaks wearily on the phone)

All right! Send him in. And don’t send anyone else until I have fully recovered from my hangover!

Secretary (stifling a giggle): Yes sir!

(He disconnects and starts pouring two cups of green tea. The Pak Army chief comes rushing in, a map in hand)

Nawaz: Good Morning my friend. How wonderful it is to see you. Here, sit down and have some green tea.

Pak AC: Liar!! Damn the green tea! This news just came in. 

(He throws the map towards Nawaz who picks it up with one hand and starts reading it while holding the green tea cup with the other)

Nawaz (stares at the paper intently for sometime and exults suddenly): Hmmm …. Hey what’s this?? Can this be true ?? Yippee … now Kashmir is ours!! And India have shifted base to Tibet! New Delhi is now in Tibet !! Hahahaha !!

Pak AC (irritated): You’re reading the map upside down …. Ahh  well never mind …. Let me tell you the gist of it. The Indian Army crossed the LOC and launched a massive surgical strike on our camps in Kashmir last night. Our guys didn’t stand a chance. Seven of our camps were destroyed. Lost quite a few good men.

Nawaz (shocked): WHAT!!? A surgical Strike? (Startled he once again drops some hot green tea on his lap)Ahyiiii …..!! (Recovers)Surgical strikes did you say? And that too in Kashmir? How dare they?? And what in Jannat’s name were you doing? Sipping green tea in your cosy cabin??

Pak AC (angry): Don’t give me that tone!! Don’t forget who runs this country!!

Nawaz (meekly): Of Course … Of Course ……. I was just … err…. A bit curious. I think they (the Indians) must have stopped by on their routine trek …. To have some green tea perhaps?? Did they leave any souvenirs?

Pak AC(visibly embarrassed): No, they left nothing behind. They came, they destroyed and they
simply left.

Nawaz (Sweetly): How rude of them!! We always leave something for them when we visit don’t we??

Pak AC (coughs and splutters): What!!? Do we?? Yes we do … I mean no we don’t …. I mean  … aah never mind!!

(Nawaz is about to reply when the Indo-Pak hotline phone on his desk buzzes. Nawaz picks it up to hear Narendra Modi’s voice on the other end.)

Modi: Nawaz Bhai, kem cho? Majaa maa?

Nawaz: Majaa maa Modi bhai! Ekdum Saras!!

(The Pak AC coughs a bit and raps his fingers on Sharif’s desk, to express dissatisfaction.)

Nawaz: Oh .. I .. er… yeah! So what’s the purpose of this call Modi?

Modi: Nawaz, I just called to tell you some news that you should hear. My boys crossed over into the LOC last night and conducted some surgical strikes against terror camps located near the border. I don’t have the exact number now but there were significant casualties. I will brief you more on that later.

Nawaz: So I heard! Well don’t worry you old fox. I am going to give you a ‘Befitting reply.’

Modi: Really? Well, I’ll be waiting.

(Hangs up)

Nawaz (looking worried): The press is going to have a field day on this. How do I explain? We can’t even blame India on this one.

Pak AC: What do you mean? They have already owned up to it right?

Nawaz: Yes, that’s the point! They have already owned up to it. Bugger! I was really looking forward to gathering incriminating evidence and playing the blame game. It would help kill time in parliament and the press and TV running. Damn those Spoil-sports!!

Pak AC: Yes … Damn them!! And this had to happen just a few months before my tenure ends. (Sighs) I was really looking forward to retiring peacefully and spending the rest of my life sipping green tea in my villa in Liverpool.

(Nawaz coughs gently … a very suggestive cough)

Pak AC (face turning red): Did I say Liverpool … I actually meant Lahore …. And it’s a small two bedroom flat …nothing more …. Slip of the tongue.

(Sharif says nothing and smiles knowingly)

Pak AC (hurriedly): Let’s come back to the problem now shall we? Whom do we pin this on?

(Both remain silent for some moments, deep in thought. After some time the Pak AC snaps his finger)

Pak AC: I know what! Let’s blame it on the ISI.

Nawaz (frowning): The ISI?? What do they know?

Pak AC: That’s the point! They were supposed to know of this and were supposed to tip us off weren’t they?

Nawaz (face brightening): You’re right! Let’s pin it on them. Let me call that Jack-Ass ISI chief right away. I wonder where he’s jacking off.

He picks up his cell phone and dials a number. A couple of rings are heard and then a click sound indicating that someone has picked up the phone

Nawaz (Angrily): Did you know what happened last night?

Angry voice on the other end: You bet! You were out having a wild party and drank yourself out. Didn’t even come home. I heard you had to be carried out. Where did you spend the night you #$#$#$?

Nawaz (face turns crimson red): Oh hello Begum!! How are you dear?? Sorry I meant to call someone else.

Nawaz’s wife: Of course you were! Just wait till you come home tonight! And if you ever speak to me in that tone again, then no food for you! Don’t forget who runs this country!

Nawaz: Of course Begum! Love you dear!! Bye! (Thinks: @#$@#$#@$ smartphone keyboard)

(Ends the call and wipes the sweat dripping off his forehead. The Army chief watches him with an amused expression.) 

Pak AC: Wrong number??

Nawaz says nothing and dials a number on his cell-phone again, this time watching carefully. Call connects to the ISI chief who is currently sitting in his office in ISI HQ, sipping green tea!

ISI Chief: Hello Nawaz, what a pleasant surprise!  Good Morning!

Nawaz: Never mind the greetings. Do you know what happened last night?

ISI Chief: Yes I do. And I’m not surprised you don’t remember. That was quite a party!! What fun we had?? You literally had to be carried out.

Nawaz: Not that you fool! I mean what happened afterwards. In the midnight hour and after that. I hear the Indians conducted a surgical strike on our territory in Kashmir and got back unscathed too.

ISI Chief: WHAT??! Surgical Strikes?? (Nawaz hears a noise of crockery falling and breaking followed by a yelp of ‘Ahyiii… from the ISI Chief).

Nawaz: What happened?

ISI Chief: Nothing, I just spilt the green tea I was drinking. Surgical Strikes did you say? What utter rubbish. No one can even fart in Pakistan without us knowing it. And since we don’t know about it, it’s obvious that they never happened.

Nawaz: Are you sure? Hmm … where are your men by the way?

ISI Chief: They’re all busy keeping surveillance on the Chinese workers in Gwadar.

Nawaz: Gwadar … But the strikes happened in Kashmir!!

ISI chief: What Strikes? I’m getting tired of hearing all this surgical strike stuff! Of course, we routinely cross over and so do they. Who said anything about a surgical strike anyways? 

Nawaz: Well, the Army chief for one. He has a map too with strike locations.

ISI chief: Don’t believe that senile old fool. The only thing he’s good at is taking pictures of himself with the Army Uniform and blaming his shortcomings on the ISI.

Nawaz: But he claims to have proof! And if his findings are true … I will have you fired!!

ISI Chief: Really!! Well here’s some interesting info I just got today morning. Apparently someone sold a very upmarket properly in England and transferred the funds to a specific account in Panama belonging to …. Take a guess! It would be fun if this news went public!

Nawaz: What ?? I ..er... of course (laughs meekly) hehehehe...…. I meant to say that there’s a lot of ‘firing’ going on cross border so I must have used the word inadvertently.

ISI Chief: That’s better. Don’t use that tone with me again. Don’t forget who runs this country.

Nawaz: Of course. But what about the surgical strikes?

ISI Chief (shouts in a paranoid tone): WHAT SURGICAL STRIKES? ARE YOU TONE DEAF YOU DUMFUK?? IF I SAY THERE WERE NO SURGICAL STRIKES THEN THERE WERE NO SURGICAL STRIKES! NOTHING OF THAT SORT EVER HAPPENED D’YA HEAR?? (Calming down)Now have some green tea and clear your head.

The call is cut. Nawaz turns and bangs his face with that of the Army chief who had ventured close to him to hear details of every conversation. A loud shattering sound is head as both men’s faces collide. They shriek and hold their noses. The Army Chief slumps back his seat)

Nawaz (gingerly rubbing his nose): I guess you must have heard everything.

Pak AC (rubbing his nose too): Yes, the nerve of that rascal! Calling me a senile old fool. Tell him next time you meet him that’s he’s a sneaky slimy wall crawling Lizard.

Nawaz (controlling his temper with great difficulty): SHALL WE PLEASE .... please focus on the matter at hand? I think what he says is good enough. Let’s say that it never happened.

Pak AC: For once, he’s said something sensible. Let’s agree on that. It will be the perfect counterbalancing statement to India’s claim of launching surgical strikes. They are busy drumming their act to the entire world. Let’s counterbalance their claim and say that the attacks never happened. The world will get confused. India will be furious! After all, if we did admit the attacks happened, then we would also have to admit that there were terrorist camps in Kashmir.

Nawaz: But what if India releases footage, proof?

Pak AC: Then we will say that they are morphed of course. And we send them some morphed pics of our own. Don’t forget, we are past-masters in morphing pics and videos.

Nawaz: All right! Call the media and brief them. But before that let me call Modi and rub it in.

(Lifts up the Indo-Pak hotline phone and presses a button. A brief ringing sound is heard and after a while a soft click) 

Modi: Hello Nawaz! Thought about your ‘befitting reply’? I’m waiting to hear it.

Nawaz: I bet you are! Here’s my reply. The strikes never happened. The attacks must have been a figment of your imagination. You're hallucinating. You've trumped up this story to satisfy the Indian public.You’re probably daydreaming because of lack of sleep. Go have some rest first!

Modi (in a disappointed tone): Nawaz, I confess I am very disappointed by your ‘befitting reply’. I was expecting something very different. It’s the usual clichéd response.

Nawaz (sarcastically): Oh yeah! Like ..… were you expecting me to agree to them?

Modi (equally sarcastic): Would you? 

Nawaz: I .. er.. of course not. If nothing happened, then nothing did.

Modi (quickly): Very well then! So that’s your story and you’re sticking to it?

Nawaz (equally quick): Yes I am! (realizes his mistake) I .. er..mean nothing's happened. I've been saying so since morning.

Modi:(in a baiting tone) So you say the strikes never happened? 

Nawaz:(firm and adamant) No they didn’t!

Modi: And you’re saying that if the strikes never happened then there would have been no terror camps?

Nawaz: There are no terror camps across the LOC. In fact, there are no terrorists in Pakistan!

(Hearing this, the army chief fumbles his tea cup and drops some hot green tea on this lap)

Pak AC: Ahyiii !!!

Modi: What was that?

Nawaz (gives a reproachful stare to the Pak AC): Nothing. Please continue.

Modi: If there are no terrorist camps, then you’re saying that my boys didn’t cross the LOC after midnight and take out several of them?

Nawaz (suddenly gathering the true intent of Modi’s words): I ..er.. No .. they didn’t !

Modi (chuckling softly): Very well Nawaz! You stick to your story then. Have a good day. And by the way don’t forget, have some green tea! It will help clear the muddle in your brain.

(And saying so Modi disconnects. Nawaz and the Pak AC stare at each other for sometime not speaking. Then finally the Pak AC speaks up:)

Pak AC: He’s a cunning old devil that one!

Nawaz: Yes, so he is. He’s double trapped us. If we had protested, then we would have also had to agree that there were terror camps. Now that we’ve denied it, we’re actually disowning that they entered our territory. Very well, he’s put the ball in our court. We will have to respond. For the moment, we’ll have to stick to our theory that it never happened.

Pak AC: So we shall.

Nawaz (reaches for the intercom and presses a button): Arrange for a press conference today. AND STOP GIGGLING! I know that you and your lazy staff have been listening to each and every word I said. I am done with my hangover.

Secretary: Yes sir! 

(Sharif turns off the intercom. Both men stare at each other for sometime without saying a word. After a few minutes Nawaz quietly refills their green tea cups and both start drinking. Suddenly, Nawaz fumbles and spills some green tea on his lap .. again )

Nawaz: Ahyii!!

Pak AC: What happened?

Nawaz: It just occurred to me. If we deny the strikes, then what’s preventing Modi and his boys from launching another one?

(Now the Pak AC spills the green tea on his lap.)

Nawaz: What do we do in the event a second strike occurs?

Pak AC: I .. we.. we’ll have to think of a ‘befitting reply’.

Both men stare at each other with bleak expressions and continue sipping green tea from their cups.